“This isn’t going to work, it it?”
It had been so long ago, but He still remembered asking that. Seemed like a hundred years past, and it likelihood it was. Even with all the time gone by, he still couldn’t forget her answer no matter how much he tried.
She’d sighed and looked away for a long time. He hadn’t pressured her, mostly because he knew what was coming. When she looked back up her eyes had been dotted with tears. She looked him right in the eyes, took a rattling breath and whispered “No”
Even though he’d been expecting it, he still felt the word hit like a brick shithouse. Instantly his stomach bottomed out. He felt vertigo, like he was teetering from a high ledge. And he was teetering, inside, where she couldn’t see. He was teetering between body wracking sobs and an animal scream, full of emotions there weren’t word for. He honestly didn’t know which one he was going to pick until his mouth took the choice away from him.
“Ok,” he said, “It’s probably for the bed anyway.” Then he gave her a sad smile, climbed the steps and walked out of a building he would never return too. Dimly, he could hear her and others calling after him. He soldered on and decided he needed a drink.
The next morning it was all a blur for a few painless seconds. But then it all rushed back to him. He finally let the tears come, let them take over. He crowd for a long time, until he ached all over. Slowly he sat up and surveyed the unfamiliar surroundings. ‘I could stay here,’ he thought. ‘I could stay here and die here, because that’s what I want, isn’t it?’ But it wasn’t. He knew he had to get up and fight. So, with the ache and heaviness unbecoming of a man so young, he got to his feet and continued on.
