Into the quiet, The Man sighed. In these rare private moments, which came far too infrequently, The Man was able to let his guard down and allow himself to feel. It surprised him to realize that he hadn’t had a moments mental rest such as this for nearly a year. He rocked back and thought upon this; was there even a need to feel anymore? It had been so long since he’d had anything to feel about, so long since he’d felt the need. Why didn’t he Feel anymore?
Almost as quickly as he pondered the question, the answer came to him: because She was gone. She’d been long gone for a long time. He’d found her, held her, kissed her, and watched as she’d slipped away from him. It was a sad realization that it took less than a week for her to leave, but it had taken him almost 8 years to find her. And that was why he hadn’t had the need to feel; because his heart had left. Without a heart, what was a Man? Nothing but a shell of a person, someone who had died and not realized it yet. He was a dead man, in the space where his heart used to be he knew it, but his head and body just hadn’t caught up.
Thinking about Her brought with it the ache and loneliness he was well accustomed to, the pain of knowing His love hadn’t been enough. Since when has love ever been enough though? The world had changed so much. He missed the days when if someone said they loved you, they meant it. Simpler times when love was enough and there didn’t need to be anything more. What was the world now? Not one he was used too. Everything had gone to hell, and now He was following. In these private moments, he often dreamed of giving up. Saying goodbye to a world he no longer knew, to people who had lost the basic core of human kindness. What was the point in saving a world that was full of greedy, selfish, self-absorbed people? Save it so that the next week there would be some other crisis?
He was broken, no doubt. His world had been shattered, his heart broken, his mind twisted. His thoughts turned to dark corners. Even after everything, he still somehow found the strength to soldier on. To keep doing good, to keep fighting, to suffer in silence. What does it take to break a Man? He just wished he could reach his breaking point and see what his limits were. Maybe that’s why he pushed so hard, never stopping, sacrificing everything including Her. To find what would break Him. She had broken him to be sure, but it was his heart and his belief in love and hope. His spirit still longed to find goodness in the world.
He stood and shut out his thoughts. Even if love and hope were dead, the world still needed saving from itself.
